


I used to say that there was no such thing as we

by Ineedadrinkorsleep



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Wicked Powers Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Queer Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedadrinkorsleep/pseuds/Ineedadrinkorsleep
Summary: While dealing with some Kitty angst and trying to get through his studies, Ty meets another autistic person at the scholomance who gives him a new perspective on things.Also known as the one where Ty and his new friend throw shade at nuerotypicals and talk about their feelings.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	I used to say that there was no such thing as we

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so just to level with you this fanfic was born out of pure autistic rage. I've been dealing with some government BS recently, so I wrote this originally as a way to vent. But I also wrote this as a tribute to Tiberius Blackthorn, a character so many of us love. Especially those of us who are on the spectrum. I also hope this is somewhat educational for some of you. 
> 
> Thank you 💜  
> Also this hasn't been beta read. We die like people of all genders.

It was another day studying at the scholomance, and Tiberius Blackthorn could not focus. He stared ahead at the board in front of him, doing his best to pay attention to the lecture, but the sound of his professor's voice was fading in and out like a bad radio connection. Ty's head was filled with the sounds of the scratching and clicking of pens, the rustling of turning pages and the poorly disguised whispers of some of his classmates which grated against the inside of his skull, like nails on a chalkboard.

Why can't you just shut up? He thought to himself. This class is literally one hour out of your lives. Would it kill you to be quiet?

Of course he couldn't actually say these things out loud, but this particular day seemed to be testing his patience. Then of course there was the other thing. The main reason he found himself getting distracted lately. Getting lost in a sea of unwanted, unpleasant emotions. 

Kit Herondale. 

His name alone brought on bouts of confusion and bitterness. Ty closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reaching his right hand into his pocket and pulling out an elastic band to fiddle with. Although Kit's Heron pendant proved to be a useful stim toy, Ty had been reluctant to use it as it seemed to always bring on memories of it's previous owner. Ty willed himself to re-focus.

"Hey, what page of the codex are we supposed to be looking at again? Ty are you listening?" Ty instantly turned his gaze towards his friend Anush, who seemed to be trying to get his attention. 

"No I'm not" Ty replied honestly. Anush gave him a slightly annoyed look and Ty instantly felt guilty. "I'm sorry" he amended "I'm listening now." Ty couldn't quite meet his eyes but he stared in the general direction of Anush's face which usually seemed to do the trick.

Befriending Anush was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Ty was naturally distrustful of him at the beginning, considering what happened with Kieran. However Anush was very apologetic and ashamed, knowing that he was in the wrong and wanting to make amends. Ty had forgiven him, but Mark and Cristina were another story. They wanted to protect Kieran from anything and anyone they perceived as a threat, which Ty imagined was quite stressful considering the Unseelie King had many enemies. 

But his brother was in love and Ty knew better than to attempt to change that. In the end, they had just agreed to disagree, and Ty was glad to have Anush as a friend. He was glad to move on and put the past behind him.

He shoved the elastic back inside his pocket. "Sorry what did you say?" he asked. Anush smiled at him slightly with a certain fondness that for some unknown reason, made Ty concerned. "Are you alright Ty?" Anush asked as he began flipping through the codex to try and find the page they were supposed to be on. "You seem distracted." Ty began lightly rubbing his fingertips against his knees. He just didnt know how to explain why he couldn't focus. Why the sounds of their fellow classmates made him cringe and why he couldnt look Anush in the eye. 

And just like clockwork, Kit's voice popped into his head. Which was infuriating, because Ty hated thinking about him. But what he hated even more was how Kit had given him useful vocabulary regarding how Ty was and why he did the things he did. Ty would always be grateful for that.

And the word, autistic. To finally have a name, a label for all of the things he could not explain. To finally feel as though he wasn't such a freak or like there was something wrong with him. 

It was absolutely everything.

Some people believed that labels did more harm than good, and that assigning someone a label meant that you were confining them or dismissing everything else about them. However Ty firmly disagreed. He liked things to be laid out a certain way, with clear-cut guidelines. 

Black and white. 

Good and evil.

Love and Hate.

And as Ty turned back to his copy of the Shadowhunter Codex, he wondered if it would be easier just to hate Kit. If he could will himself to hate that beautiful boy, with the breathtaking smile. The boy who had been patient and kind and made him laugh like very few could. The boy who felt like home. 

And Ty was furious with Kit for that. For making him feel safe. For lulling him into a false sense of security and then taking off like it meant nothing. As if everything they had shared meant nothing. 

Honestly Ty should have known better. He should have known not to trust anyone who claimed to be his friend. It was never real. Which is why he couldn't quite understand what was happening with Anush. He seemed genuine and Ty desperately wanted to trust him. 

Ty had willed himself to start taking notes again while reading along from the codex, despite the fact that he absolutely detested handwriting. From a young age, he could never quite grasp the pencil properly. He always naturally gravitated towards holding it between his ring and middle finger rather than his thumb and pointer finger. The texture just felt more pleasing that way. Julian had attempted to correct him multiple times, but had eventually given up. Unfortunately this made for rather horrendous handwriting, but Ty could read it and that was what mattered.

As he continued to mindlessly copy down what the professor was saying, Ty found his gaze drifting back to Anush, who thankfully was no longer eying him as though he knew all of Ty's secrets.

Well he really only had two at this point.

The attempted necromancy with the result of ghost Livvy and his feelings for Kit.

Well technically there was also a third if you counted the fact that Ty wasn't straight, but he wasn't hiding his sexuality. It was just that no one ever bothered to ask him. It was one of the incredibly frustrating things about living in a heteronormative society. However, one of it's obvious perks was that this made it easier to hide the truth.

It made it easier to hide the fact that he was in love with Kit. 

Ty stared at Anush for a moment, studying his features. He was genuinely attractive and for the most part, a kind person. He usually had the best intentions and tried to do what he thought was the right thing. He seemed to have so much patience and compassion for Ty. He was the kind of person Ty should love. 

That is, if Ty's family would accept it. Most of them wouldn't be bothered by it especially since Anush had apologized. It was only Mark he had to worry about. Mark Blackthorn was unshakeable when it came to Kieran and Cristina. 

"You'll understand someday if you fall in love" is what Mark had told him. Ty had felt his blood turn ice cold. Honestly it would have been better if Mark had just hit him instead. 

He was in love and he felt as though he understood absolutely nothing. 

A loud knock on the classroom door finally drew Ty out of his jarring thoughts. Professor Keytower stopped his lesson, looking peeved by the interruption and reluctantly answered the door. Caterina Loss was standing on the other side. 

She was poised and powerful in a mid-length burgundy dress which stood out against her bright blue skin. Her white hair was swept into a French braid down her back and she wore modest black heels which made the already tall woman look rather imposing. She smiled politely at the man in front of her.

"Good afternoon professor. I'm so sorry to interrupt your lecture, but we have a brand new addition to the scholomance and I would like to get her started right away." Caterina explained, her clear voice echoing throughout the room. Most of the students were now staring at the doorway, all previous thoughts of the lesson banished far from their minds. 

The door was pushed open slightly by Professor Keytower to reveal someone standing beside Caterina. A girl who seemed to be about Ty's age, who literally looked as though she would rather be almost anywhere else. 

She was of average height and fairly curvy with long dark brown hair and golden brown skin. She looked to be of Southeast Asian descent, but most of her facial features were blocked from view on account of the fact that she was staring at the floor. Her arms were crossed over her body and there didn't appear to be a voyance rune on either of her hands. 

Was this girl not a shadowhunter? 

Almost instantly the not so subtle whispers began buzzing around the room. However, Ty ignored them all. What interested him the most was the way she was fiddling with the fabric of her shirt, rubbing it anxiously between her fingers. That was familiar to say the least. 

Caterina had followed Professor Keytower to the front of the room and was now attempting to quiet everyone down. "Everyone! May I have your attention! I would like you all to meet Alyssa Reyes." Caterina extended her arm out to gesture in the general direction of the doorway and gave Alyssa a pointed look, as if to say this is the part where you come out and join me. Alyssa looked entirely horrified by this, but with some coaxing from Caterina she eventually walked over to her. 

Alyssa still wasn't making eye contact with anyone and now she was balling her hands into fists. Ty knew exactly how she felt which didnt happen very often. Caterina unfortunately didnt seem to be catching on to Alyssa's panic. She cleared her throat and continued to address the class. 

"Your Consul, Alec Lightwood has decided to allow downworlder liaisons to attend the scholomance for educational purposes. Alyssa is the first. She has been sent to us from the New York werewolf pack." 

Ty watched as Alyssa lifted her head slightly to reveal three white scars in the shape of claw marks across her collarbone.

A shocked gasp echos through the room.

"Werewolf" another student whispers venomously. 

Ty resisted the painful urge to yell at them. 

He also found himself almost instantly looking over at Anush, wondering what he thought about the situation. But his expression was blank. Caterina gave Professor Keytower a pointed look and he began sushing the students. Ty went back to observing Alyssa who was staring down while anxiously twirling a piece of hair between her thumb and pointer finger.

The students had stopped whispering and making remarks. Unfortunately now they were all staring at Alyssa which was clearly making everything worse. At this point Ty almost wished he could communicate telepathically. 

Just breathe.

Count your fingers. 

Use whatever strategies you have.

It's going to be ok.

Ty noticed that there weren't any headphones draped across her neck. He wished he could give her his but he didnt want to make her feel any more uncomfortable then she already was. Ty fought the urge to pull his headphones over his ears and transport himself away from this whole situation. 

But he didnt want to leave Alyssa.

Caterina turned to face her, finally taking in her generally distressed aura. "Honey are you alright?" she asked.

Alyssa looked up for a moment, not quite meeting Caterina's eyes. "Can I go to the bathroom?" she managed shakely. 

Caterina looked a little confused, but she looked over at Professor Keytower to suss out his opinion on the matter and he couldn't have looked less interested if he tried. 

"Sure, of course dear" she replied warmly, and almost instantly Alyssa bolted out the door. 

Ty had absolutely no idea what possessed him to get out of his chair and go running after her. Perhaps it wasn't anything logical, just an instinct. An instinct that was compelling Ty to reach out. 

He had never met another person who was like him before. Honestly he had just about given up on the possibility.

As Ty spead out of the classroom, he could hear Professor Keytower yelling after him and the sound of Anush's concerned voice, but he ignored them both. It also did not escape his notice that Caterina was silent. 

Alyssa was racing through the corridor, her long dark hair flying behind her like a cape. Her heeled leather boots were clip-clopping against the wooden flooring. She was moving so quickly that Ty was having trouble keeping up with her. However, she was headed towards a dead end, so fairly soon it wouldn't matter.

"Wait!" Ty called out, trying to sound as non-threatening as possible. "Please slow down!" He had gotten close enough to Alyssa to hear her breathing, which was jagged and panicked. Then suddenly, with no warning Alyssa stopped, falling slightly against a nearby wall and sliding down to the ground.

"Keep away from me" she choaked out in between gasps. Her hands slid up to clutch at the roots of her hair as she began to rock frantically, desperately fighting for oxygen as tears formed in her brown eyes. Ty stood in front of her, completely powerless. He had been through this before what felt like a million times, but he had absolutely no idea how to help Alyssa in this moment.

Everyone was different.

Ty sank to his knees slowly, keeping a reasonable distance between them.

"Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tightly" Ty instructed. "Take deep breaths and start counting inside your head." Ty hoped this would at least help her a little. He wasn't usually the best at comforting people.

Alyssa glared at him but followed his instructions. As her breath evened out, tears began to fall. Ty looked away. He had a feeling Alyssa didn't want a stranger seeing her cry. It was quiet for a moment, and then Ty heard her speak. Properly this time, without any tears or panic distorting her voice.

"How does a shadowhunter know about this stuff?" 

Her voice was pretty. Clear and lilted, like the sound of a bell and oddly comforting. Alyssa spoke with an accent that was very clearly American. It made him wonder offhand if they had come from the same state.

He turned his head to face her. She was staring at him with a curious look. Thankfully, most of the panic had gone from her expression, but she still didn't look very warm. Ty avoided her gaze but while glancing at Alyssa's eyebrows he took notice of a certain look in her eyes. She was puzzled, but almost excited by the mystery presented in front of her. 

Ty couldn't help but smile. It had been a long time since he had met a person and almost instantly thought, I understand you.

"It's because I'm autistic" he finally replied, waiting for her to make the connection. You see? We're the same. Maybe not in any other way but this means that I am not alone.

Alyssa stared at him in silence, her mouth gaping open. Ty raised his head to look her in the eyes. She was staring at him like he had grown a second head. "I didn't even know that was possible." Her voice had a strange tone to it, full of an emotion Ty couldn't quite place. 

Ty shrugged, breaking off eye contact. "Why wouldn't it be?" He replied with a level tone. Whatever this girl was implying about shadowhunters, he wasn't going to fight with her. He refused to. 

Because on some level Ty knew that she had every right to be angry. Angry at the injustice she had experienced as a downworlder, as a woman of colour and as someone who was autistic. Shadowhunters were the perfect repersentation of all of that discrimination. All of the pain and hate.

But Ty had been punished right along with her. Nephilim blood be damned. So many of his own people hated him. They viewed him as a mistake, a stain on the reputation of shadowhunters, something to be erased. As much as Julian had tried to protect him from that, he couldn't help but see it.

One of the disadvantages of being too smart. You see absolutely everything. 

Alyssa was silent for a moment longer and Ty made no effort to break the silence. He was more than content to sit in the empty, quiet hallway far away from the chaos of his classmates. He had just about forgotten Alyssa before she finally spoke.

"I'm so sorry" she said gently, using far more sweetness in her tone than Ty had heard so far. He looked back in her direction, meeting her eyes once more. She looked so sincere.

Ty was furious.

He could feel his heart begin to race as he clenched his hands into fists, then remembered he didnt have to hide that sort of thing around Alyssa and began to let his hands move the way they wanted to. 

"Sorry?" Ty spat out venomously. "You're sorry? How can you say that to me?" Ty was raising his voice but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Why would you say that?" 

It was bizzare, due to the fact that Ty had only just met Alyssa, but he felt betrayed.

Her eyes widened in panic and then remorse. Alyssa began shaking her head. "No! No I didnt mean it like that I'm sorry" she answered frantically. " I just meant.." she paused. "I just meant that growing up as a shadowhunter, being autistic, it must have been hard. That's all" she finished awkwardly, staring off into space.

Ty wanted to tell her she was wrong. Wanted to tell Alyssa that some shadowhunters really weren't all that bad and he had a wonderful family who loved him. All of this was technically true. 

But he had never been in a position where he could confide in someone who actually experienced some of the same things that he did. Ty took a deep breath and dropped his head between his knees.

"I love my family, but they will never understand how much I deal with in this world" Ty began, caution thrown to the wind. He lifted his head slightly, resting his chin on his knees. "I've spent my whole life essentially trying to learn a second language that everyone else speaks so naturally. I grew up having to be taught by my brother Julian what certain things meant and how to act in certain situations, what to say and what not to say. Julian made me stim toys to help me cope with the outside world and he and the rest of my family have always loved me despite not understanding me, but I know that I made everything harder." Ty wasn't looking at Alyssa but he could hear her steady pained breathing next to him, indicating that she was listening.

"There's just always something to get through, something to overcome, and everyone seems to have a million different theories and ideas about how I should live my life and how I should cope with my own disability. They think they're helping but they're not." Ty was beginning to ramble a little which was concerning, but he kept on going. His spot on the cold floor was beginning to get a little uncomfortable but moving was the furthest thought from his mind. 

"And the worst part is, I've always been alone." Ty was very careful with choosing his next words in order to not give anything about Livvy's partial resurrection away. "I had a twin sister who I was incredibly close to and even she sometimes couldn't fully understand me. Everyone always makes assumptions about what I'm thinking and how I feel, and sometimes if they can't make sense of it, they just assume I don't feel anything" Ty lamented breathlessly.

He made the choice to turn and look over at Alyssa, not expecting a response of any kind. Just seeking reassurance. Understanding. Alyssa was biting her lip and fiddling with a piece of hair. Tears lingered in her eyes.

"But that's not true" Ty finally whispered, his body aching with grief. "I feel absolutely everything." He closed his eyes in defeat as all thoughts of a certain beautiful blond came rushing back. He was far too exhausted to fight it anymore. Ty let out a choaked sob as the words came flooding through his mind.

I wish I had never known you. 

I love you Ty. I love you.

What was the truth? Kit had always been so easy to understand, right up until that day on the beach. But now nothing made sense.

Alyssa looked nothing short of utterly horrified when Ty began to cry. Her face was twisted into a look of panic, her eyes wide. It was clear that she was pretty ill equipped to deal with the situation which Ty didn't blame her for.

Alyssa scooted closer to him, wringing her hands and scanning him all over almost as if she was searching for a magic button of some sort to make it all better. "Hey now" she cooed, her voice shakey. "Hey it's alright. It's gonna be ok." Ty focused on the sound of her voice, taking deep breaths.

"Hey, I need you to listen to me ok?" Alyssa's voice was soft but firm. Ty nodded wiping at his tears. Alyssa took a deep breath, clasping her hands together and intertwining her fingers. "Fuck these people." 

Ty raised his eyebrows, letting out a humourless chuckle but Alyssa continued. "No I'm serious. Fuck these people. We deserve better Ty." She paused for a moment and then slowly brought her gaze up to meet his. "We all deserve better."

Ty was stunned into silence for a moment before he felt himself grin. Alyssa looked at him strangely. He laughed a little and then attempted to sober his expression. "I'm sorry, I just.." he trailed off and took a breath, figuring out how to phrase what he was feeling. Then suddenly he remembered.

He was a ten year old kid, going through some pretty serious trauma. Scared and confused, he just wanted to curl up into a ball and shut the world away forever. Livvy came to him and said "We will get through this Ty." And he wanted to scream.

"I used to say that there was no such thing as we" Ty heard himself say. "I used to think I was the only one, and no one else knew how I felt. That no one else was experiencing it." 

Alyssa gave him a look, "well obviously you were wrong" she stated matter of factly. "But I get it, if you weren't around other autistic people when you were younger, you probably felt very alone. Kind of how I felt when I was younger. Kind of like how I felt right up until now." she let out a humourless laugh. 

Ty opened his mouth to interject but Alyssa continued. "But the thing is I'm not alone and neither are you. We have an entire community of wonderfully complex, diverse people, with all different kinds of ideas, strengths and weaknesses and we aren't going anywhere." Alyssa finally rose to her feet with a certain sense of purpose. 

"You and I are in this together ok?" Alyssa looked down at him determinedly. "We can do this, I know we can." Ty smiled, letting all her words sink in. He finally nodded and pulled himself to his feet. "Alright then, we should probably get back" Ty stated, looking over in the direction of the classrooms. 

At that moment, almost as some sort of cosmic joke, the doors burst open and hordes of students began trickling out signaling the end of the lesson. Ty heard Alyssa inhale sharply and Ty himself pulled his headphones over his ears.

He felt a feather-light tap on his arm and turned to see Alyssa waving slightly. She had in headphones of her own but they were black instead of white. She slid them down and said something that Ty didn't quite catch.

Ty slid his headphones down a little. "Sorry what?" 

Alyssa smiled, "I said I should go talk to Caterina Loss. We still have a lot to discuss and she's probably wondering why I was acting so weird earlier." Ty flinched a little at the use of the word weird. 

"It wasn't your fault. You shouldn't have to explain yourself" Ty protested. Alyssa shrugged and broke off eye contact again.

"I know. But I still think she should know. It'll make things easier for me if she knows" Alyssa said casually. Ty was skeptical.

He could hear Julian's voice in his head, Julian's anxiety. They'll lock him up if they know. But things were different now. Alec was in charge and that to a certain extent meant that he was safe.

Also Ty was sick of being afraid. 

He finally answered Alyssa. "You're right, you should tell her" Ty took a breath, "and so should I." Alyssa looked pleasantly surprised. "But not right now" Ty continued, beginning to fiddle with the string of his hoodie. He was trying to avoid the necklace at all costs.

Ty looked back over at the classroom he left his stuff in. "Right now, I've got to grab my stuff and get to my next lesson before I get in anymore trouble." Alyssa nodded and began to walk away, tossing out a goodbye over her shoulder as she put her other earbud back in.

Ty smiled to himself and slid his headphones back over his ears. The conversation was clearly over and clearly neither of them had the patience for awkward segues into saying goodbye. He appreciated how easy things were with Alyssa. 

Then suddenly she stopped about halfway down the hall and turned around slowly. 

"Hey!" She shouted, load enough so that Ty could hear her through his headphones. "Shadowhunter!" This made almost everyone turn around and look at her, to which she responded by rolling her eyes.

"No I mean you! Alyssa yelled over the crowd looking directly at Ty. He laughed under his breath and nodded expectantly.

"What's your name?" She asked, and Ty realized that he had actually never told her. In all the chaos it had seemed unimportant.

"It's Tiberius" he yelled back. "Tiberius Blackthorn." 

Alyssa looked a little horrified that this was in fact his name. She shook her head slightly and mouthed something that looked a lot like "white people." Ty rolled his eyes good naturedly. "But you can call me Ty" he called over to her. Alyssa smiled back at him.

Suddenly, like a stab in the gut, painful nostalgia hit him. 

My name is Tiberius Blackthorn. Welcome to the Los Angeles institute.

He fought to push all thoughts of Kit out of his head. Alyssa must have noticed the change in his face because she looked concerned. He smoothed over his expression. 

Alyssa examined him for a moment, then smiled again. "Well I guess I'll see you around Ty." And with that she disappeared into the crowd. 

Ty took a break to collect himself and then began tracing his steps back to his previous classroom. Kit Herondale would always be a wound on his soul, but Ty couldn't afford to keep dwelling on the past. He had gotten Livvy back in a certain way and that was definitely better than nothing. He was finally working towards something he had been dreaming of for years now. He was apart of a new generation of shadowhunters striving to be better. To be able to have a conversation with a downworlder while you're both sitting on a dirty floor bonding over your shared life experiences. 

Ty wasn't exactly happy yet, but he was definitely getting there. He was alive. He was living his life.

And he wasn't going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure I know Caterina doesn't teach full-time at the scholomance but I wanted her there so were going with some suspension of disbelief here. Also if it seems like I was being too harsh on Kit and the Blackthorns, I wasn't trying to be. I just wanted to give Ty the opportunity to say his peice.


End file.
